Weekend of Fur and Fin
Day One: It was awesome! I was there at the airport and fending off offers to buy the 7 foot long fur'd'piller (one guy offered me $25). Dillybobbers (stopped and bought two of them) and Groucho Marx glasses.....
I knew it was Amy by the way her whole body went into convulsions when she saw me.
Off to lunch after a drive of - you pick, no you pick, no YOU pick, no YOU pick.
I ended up picking cause she was being a dork.
After lunch a little headrush visit to Pier One and Trader Joes.
Then to Drew for the massage.
Poor little Drew - I think we have forever changed his view of women. Amy told him the missing tampon story. (Yes, we both went in the massage room with him at the same time -- that was the first of his "oh....well.....oh....this is irregular....") He should have run then.
So....Amy gets her massage and did pretty well - only grinning like a doof when he asked her very innocently "are you really tight?"
My turn - we start talking - he starts mentioning his roommate - who sounds like the perfect male for Jenn/comic - and Amy and I are commenting on that. I in my massaged out bliss ask "Does he like sheep". I forgot that I hadn't explained Jenn's fettish and that he doesn't know Jenn from a hole in the ground. Amy said the look on his face was like PRICELESS. By the time it dawned on me how off the wall and weird that question was - I dared not laugh or I would start to fart.
Needlesstosay the "Does he like sheep" will haunt me forever I fear. I will try to explain next week when I see him again.
Then it was off to the apartment for Amy to meet the kids. You know how children don't shut up and like to impress pretty strangers with all sorts of disgusting body noises and jokes that are attempts at showing off their wit? Imagine that happening when the adult has ADD. Imagine that happening when the mom has a serious over developed gross gag response. I am not sure if Amy was impressed or appauled. After a few hours of them going through their bag of tricks off to dinner we went.
Dinner was Indian buffet which I think Amy enjoyed. The sweat on her face gave her tan a nice glow. All was well until the body functions jokes began again......sigh.
Back to apartment were exhole was waiting (none of the kids wanted to go with him - hee hee hee). Amy stood off to the side - looking like GI Jane ready to attack at the slighted hint. I think she was even drooling at the thought of beating him.
Mason ended up going with him.
Then it was chatting while listening to IL DIVO and talking about serial killers with my daughter (don't ask).
11pm - off to bed.
Oh, she loved the kittens, ratties, and even the psycho hamster.
So far we are having a wonderful time. I would let her respond but she has barrcaded herself in Ryann's room and sealed it with duct tape. I figure using the butcher knife and axe, I will get her (I mean have her out) within an hour.
Day 2: I was up and ready to go at 6am. Sharkie slept till 8ish and then we kicked Ryann out of bed around 9ish.
Breakfast out. (so far we are behaving ourselves and acting pretty damn suburban).
11am - IKEA I finally get to hear some squeals....and moans....and OMFG.... HOLYMOTHEROFGOD....and a few other unidentifable grunts.
4 hours later --- year 4 HOURS LATER we leave IKEA. We have new pillows, quilt covers, dishes, pictures, decorative crap - and three very very happy customers.
Off to a quick appetizer break - oh yummy mouth orgasm followed by Starbucks.
Then on to Cost Plus World Market, TJ Maxx.
Dump goodies off at apartment - visit with drunk neighbors.
More shopping at Kohls.
DOWNTOWN CHICAGO!
Sears Tower! 103 stories above the night lights in Chicago where you can see the lights from 4 other states! It was awesome. The motion of the building got to me and towards the end I was feeling quite seasick. (I think it really really impressed Amy - so cool!!!!!)
Then after a little confusion on which direction was which --- back to the 'burbs. By this time blood sugar was low and mixed with sea sickness - I was feeling a little punky.
Dinner was hysterical. After eating, we were sitting there chatting and one of us announced "I have to fart" and then proceeded to make a loud noise. Unfortunately, a man at the bar was looking directly at the person making the statement and connected the sound to the person and the eye to eye contact was hysterical. Talk about laughing so hard that you were this close to peeing your pants....one of those laughs where you know if you don't breath soon you will pass out and lose all spincter control. My teenage daughter was horrified which made the whole situation even funnier. When you can embarass your kids - it's a good day. How we were able to walk out of that place without crapping our pants is beyond me. People in a booth nearby even told us to quiet down.....hee hee hee.
The ride home was likewise out of control with giggling, snorting, snerking, and farting.
We finally crashed a little after midnight.
Ryann and Amy are still sleeping - meanwhile I have been up for hours drinking coffee, playing with the purchased goodies and checking to see if I broke any blood vessels yesterday.
(by the way Jenn ---- no alcohol has been involved at all this weekend - which makes you wonder what would have happened if there had been any.....)
(Also Jenn - you are not the only one with sheep fettishes -- we saw lots and lots of sheep related products......)
Today is a little more shopping and then off to the Brookfield Zoo (this time including the boys). Later Mason wants to share an Office Max experience with Amy.
Day 3: Sunday started off slow and mellow --- there was plenty of coffee so no growling and snarling around the kitchen counter.
Then off for some more shopping
Boys arrived around 11:30 and we headed off for lunch and the zoo. When we realized that everyone was endanger of a falling face first into their lunch plate - we decided to go back to the house and take a short power nap.
Woke up refreshed and then off to the zoo.
I caught Amy trying to bribe a few zoo officials to keep the children --- but this happens so often that they are immune to even her bare breast boob flashes. The sheep at the petting zoo got some special squeals -- Jenn, we took a picture just for you.
Watching the animals get all natural, really set Amy and I off --- we started doing the blackmail type pictures. (My kids were AMUSED/APPAULED) but they made up for it in jokes and annoying the hell out of us on the car ride home.
On the way home, we surprized Viz with a visit --- hee hee hee. Then it was home to go out to dinner and dessert. Then we left Ryann watching the boys and we headed out for second dessert (AND NO KIDS) at the cheesecake factory. OINK OINK.
Poor Amy is twitching from the children.
I knew it was Amy by the way her whole body went into convulsions when she saw me.
Off to lunch after a drive of - you pick, no you pick, no YOU pick, no YOU pick.
I ended up picking cause she was being a dork.
After lunch a little headrush visit to Pier One and Trader Joes.
Then to Drew for the massage.
Poor little Drew - I think we have forever changed his view of women. Amy told him the missing tampon story. (Yes, we both went in the massage room with him at the same time -- that was the first of his "oh....well.....oh....this is irregular....") He should have run then.
So....Amy gets her massage and did pretty well - only grinning like a doof when he asked her very innocently "are you really tight?"
My turn - we start talking - he starts mentioning his roommate - who sounds like the perfect male for Jenn/comic - and Amy and I are commenting on that. I in my massaged out bliss ask "Does he like sheep". I forgot that I hadn't explained Jenn's fettish and that he doesn't know Jenn from a hole in the ground. Amy said the look on his face was like PRICELESS. By the time it dawned on me how off the wall and weird that question was - I dared not laugh or I would start to fart.
Needlesstosay the "Does he like sheep" will haunt me forever I fear. I will try to explain next week when I see him again.
Then it was off to the apartment for Amy to meet the kids. You know how children don't shut up and like to impress pretty strangers with all sorts of disgusting body noises and jokes that are attempts at showing off their wit? Imagine that happening when the adult has ADD. Imagine that happening when the mom has a serious over developed gross gag response. I am not sure if Amy was impressed or appauled. After a few hours of them going through their bag of tricks off to dinner we went.
Dinner was Indian buffet which I think Amy enjoyed. The sweat on her face gave her tan a nice glow. All was well until the body functions jokes began again......sigh.
Back to apartment were exhole was waiting (none of the kids wanted to go with him - hee hee hee). Amy stood off to the side - looking like GI Jane ready to attack at the slighted hint. I think she was even drooling at the thought of beating him.
Mason ended up going with him.
Then it was chatting while listening to IL DIVO and talking about serial killers with my daughter (don't ask).
11pm - off to bed.
Oh, she loved the kittens, ratties, and even the psycho hamster.
So far we are having a wonderful time. I would let her respond but she has barrcaded herself in Ryann's room and sealed it with duct tape. I figure using the butcher knife and axe, I will get her (I mean have her out) within an hour.
Day 2: I was up and ready to go at 6am. Sharkie slept till 8ish and then we kicked Ryann out of bed around 9ish.
Breakfast out. (so far we are behaving ourselves and acting pretty damn suburban).
11am - IKEA I finally get to hear some squeals....and moans....and OMFG.... HOLYMOTHEROFGOD....and a few other unidentifable grunts.
4 hours later --- year 4 HOURS LATER we leave IKEA. We have new pillows, quilt covers, dishes, pictures, decorative crap - and three very very happy customers.
Off to a quick appetizer break - oh yummy mouth orgasm followed by Starbucks.
Then on to Cost Plus World Market, TJ Maxx.
Dump goodies off at apartment - visit with drunk neighbors.
More shopping at Kohls.
DOWNTOWN CHICAGO!
Sears Tower! 103 stories above the night lights in Chicago where you can see the lights from 4 other states! It was awesome. The motion of the building got to me and towards the end I was feeling quite seasick. (I think it really really impressed Amy - so cool!!!!!)
Then after a little confusion on which direction was which --- back to the 'burbs. By this time blood sugar was low and mixed with sea sickness - I was feeling a little punky.
Dinner was hysterical. After eating, we were sitting there chatting and one of us announced "I have to fart" and then proceeded to make a loud noise. Unfortunately, a man at the bar was looking directly at the person making the statement and connected the sound to the person and the eye to eye contact was hysterical. Talk about laughing so hard that you were this close to peeing your pants....one of those laughs where you know if you don't breath soon you will pass out and lose all spincter control. My teenage daughter was horrified which made the whole situation even funnier. When you can embarass your kids - it's a good day. How we were able to walk out of that place without crapping our pants is beyond me. People in a booth nearby even told us to quiet down.....hee hee hee.
The ride home was likewise out of control with giggling, snorting, snerking, and farting.
We finally crashed a little after midnight.
Ryann and Amy are still sleeping - meanwhile I have been up for hours drinking coffee, playing with the purchased goodies and checking to see if I broke any blood vessels yesterday.
(by the way Jenn ---- no alcohol has been involved at all this weekend - which makes you wonder what would have happened if there had been any.....)
(Also Jenn - you are not the only one with sheep fettishes -- we saw lots and lots of sheep related products......)
Today is a little more shopping and then off to the Brookfield Zoo (this time including the boys). Later Mason wants to share an Office Max experience with Amy.
Day 3: Sunday started off slow and mellow --- there was plenty of coffee so no growling and snarling around the kitchen counter.
Then off for some more shopping
Boys arrived around 11:30 and we headed off for lunch and the zoo. When we realized that everyone was endanger of a falling face first into their lunch plate - we decided to go back to the house and take a short power nap.
Woke up refreshed and then off to the zoo.
I caught Amy trying to bribe a few zoo officials to keep the children --- but this happens so often that they are immune to even her bare breast boob flashes. The sheep at the petting zoo got some special squeals -- Jenn, we took a picture just for you.
Watching the animals get all natural, really set Amy and I off --- we started doing the blackmail type pictures. (My kids were AMUSED/APPAULED) but they made up for it in jokes and annoying the hell out of us on the car ride home.
On the way home, we surprized Viz with a visit --- hee hee hee. Then it was home to go out to dinner and dessert. Then we left Ryann watching the boys and we headed out for second dessert (AND NO KIDS) at the cheesecake factory. OINK OINK.
Poor Amy is twitching from the children.
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